Part of my story when we left Afghanistan - I was 5 years old at this time.

We were not alone in our journey. There were other families who paid to smugglers. Our way to Pakistan was partly by road and partly by walking. It was not as harsh as dad’s journey except when we had to cross the border. Mom told us that we could not cross border legally. Smugglers took us to place where Pakistan and Afghanistan were divided by barbed wire. This was probably in Torkham, but mom could not remember the exact area. She told us that she wore the traditional Afghan Chadiri which is a big cloth that covers all part of woman’s body. On the both sides of barbed wire there were smugglers. They asked men and women to crawl bellow the barbed wire. Mom took my sister with her and crawled bellow the barbed wire. Her cloths were torn, she was injured and bled. But she made to Pakistan side. Me and my brother was on Afghan side and were waiting for someone to take us to other side. I was not more than 5 years old and my brother was only 3. Suddenly smugglers found that border forces noticed them. The started shooting and driving to us. Mom was taken to Pakistan side and smugglers took us and escaped back. I can not imagine how hard was for mom. She was grieving from horrifying death of her dad, her brother in-law and her niece. She was alone, exhausted, injured, her cloths were torn. And then she lost her 3 and 5 years kids. She told me this story several times. This brings tears to my eyes when I remember her stories. Fortunately after few hours when the border police was gone smugglers took us and reunited us with mom.

I am a Geriatrician

I am a geriatrician, looking after elderly people. Patients I look after them usually have lived 80-90 years. Many of them have multiple health conditions. At this age, most of them don’t have much time left and when they are admitted to hospital lets say with a bad infection, we know the outcome is not very good. One of the challenging issues that I often come across is how much to do more. Does the patient have advanced wishes in regards to their health and well being that we need to be aware of? Does the patient have capacity to consent and agree with our treatment? Is carrying active treatment when we know it is futile is in the best interest of the patient, especially in situations where family oppose stopping treatment.

There is not only legal aspects of these condition but quite often it can be mentally very disturbing for health care professionals.

I remember a lady with advanced cancer holding my hand and with nervous eyes asking me if she is going to die. The next day when I came I found she passed away that night. I remember her smile and her hope for life. I knew she had a terminal illness, but it was not easy for me to tell her I don’t have much to help what she hoped for.

I remember another patient who also had terminal cancer and then contracted COVID 19. This was in the peak of COVID. She was on maximum treatment, but unfortunately deteriorated. Our team did their best but we knew she will die. When I told her she doesn’t have much time, she smiled. That smile is still hunting me. It was a smile of hopelessness and not a smile of joy.

I cried after I left room of a patient. This was a rather young patient who was sadly dying of COVID. His wife was aware of the grave condition, but his teenager son did not know. They were both crying. Son asked me his dad will be well enough to play again football with him. I could not answer to that and when I came out, I went to my room and cried. I felt so bad as I felt I was useless.

 An here I come after many years.

Many years passed since last I posted anything. Lots of things changed. I will post what I have recorded.

And here I had my surgery:

IT was around 830 AM the nurse came and informed me that they are going to shift me to operation theatre. Though I was ready for it, but it was shocking. I am going under general anaesthesia, they are going to drill my skull, remove the bones and remove the cholestheatoma. Any how, I had to do it. So I changed, wore the surgical gown. They placed my on the stretcher and toke me to OT. In the OT I were received by nurses, and doctors. Many people around me, one confirming my identity, other checking vital signs, other checking IV site. I felt my IV site is hot, and then then I didn’t remember, went to deep sleep.I woke up from dreams, and I felt i had along sleep. I was feeling nauseated and I vomited two time. I can remember the nurse helping me to turn my head to one side while throwing up. I felt too much dizzy. And then…? Did I had my operation? Yes…I had dressing on my head. And I asked did I got my operation? They said yes, I asked the time, it was 4 PM. Oh my GOD I had almost 6-7 hours surgery? How happy I was at that time, because I did not feel the pain of incisions and drilling. Suddenly the possible complications of surgery came to my mind; do I have facial palsy? How is my taste? How is my hearing? So I started moving both sides of my face, and I could do it. I moved my tongue and tried to see if there is any numbness, and it was ok and finally I scratched the dressing in my left ear and I could hear. Alhamdulillah, I can not express how I felt happy. But I was just out of anaesthesia, I was too much dizzy, I could barely move of hands and legs. And it was at this time that my wife came to my mind. She was supposed to come to hospital with the kids. Where is she? How is she doing? So I asked for my phone. The nurses tried to comfort me, but I insisted I wanted to talk to my wife. And finally I got my mobile, called her. I was telling her I had just a dressing of my ear and I am ok, but she already knew, and told me they are waiting in my room with my brother….continued.

And I can feel this Hadith by every cell of my body:

"There are two blessings which many people waste: health and free time.”

Alhamdulillah